JPMorgan Chase — Too Much Too Fast

Let's talk about practicing law. Anyone who has anything to say about foreclosures these days seems to feel it is necessary to trip all over themselves explaining at the beginning and conclusion of every sentence that they are not practicing law, they are not lawyers, and their advice should not be relied upon. That's ridiculous. If you want a lawyer, go hire one. Posting information on the Internet does not constitute practicing law. Any judge who would rule otherwise is either computer illiterate, demented, inebriated, or all of the above - and we state that with all due respect. If you want advice from lawyers, sign a contract and pay them.

Anybody with a computer can read ChaseChase.org and no, we have not been hired by those six billion people with computers to represent them and be their lawyer. Use what you get from these pages to take on those crooked banks. Let them never forget the sorry day they turned into pimps, panderers, cutthroats and thieves. We are not your lawyer unless and until we enter into a signed written agreement with you. Also, anything you send us on the Internet is not confidential. You would be safer to stand on a busy street corner and rave about your darkest secrets at the top of your lungs, because those people would think you were crazy. On the Web there are thousands of furtive people hired by government agencies and shameless corporations - fictitious persons - precisely for the purpose of intercepting e-mails and keeping track of every last excruciating detail misrepresented on the Web. So if you ever wanted to moon the government or the banks, just paste your jolly pumpkins into an email and send it anywhere. Ferrets in cubbyholes will meticulously record it, dutifully file it in their hole, er, tunnel, and report it to their various subterranean levels of chiefs. If you want a relationship of trust, meet face-to-face in broad daylight. Shake hands; make eye contact. Ferrets: be holed!

The Internet is a shameless tramp, but where would we be without it? What do you think?